Parents, Being Ordinary is Special

Today’s parents offer too much approval and enthusiasm for simply their children’s existence, disrupting kids’ growing abilities to accept realistically both their strengths and their weaknesses, which is the true foundation of self-esteem. Dr. Young-Eisendrath sees the solution in a return to being “ordinary,” as this is rooted in “wisdom about our human condition and a knowledge of how we are all connected.” Parents, avoid what Young-Eisendrath calls The Self Esteem Trap to raise well balanced kids. More>>>

No Valentine? No Problem!

Valentine's Day is a great time to evaluate where you're at and appreciate who you are. Here are some ideas from Dr. Laura Berman for those celebrating this year sans partner. Make it a great day!

1. Celebrate your independence. I know it's hard to imagine, but someday you will look back with fondness on the days when you were accountable to no one but yourself. Enjoy this time — that you can sleep until whenever you want, withwhom you want (well, pretty much), and eat breakfast at 2 p.m. on the couch in your pajamas!

2. Pamper yourself. Give a little loving attention to your body and mind, instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Take a sensual bath with lavender oil, lots of candles, and your favorite music in the background. Order your favorite take-out, get a great movie and treat yourself luxuriously.

3. Take charge. If you've had your eye on someone, or you've been engaging in some heavy yet indirect flirtation, make the move. Think about when you are old and gray one day, regretting all the things you didn't do when you were young and attractive! If you are too scared to do it in person, send an email or a text message. That way the ball is in his court if he wants to respond.

4. Send flowers to yourself. I'm telling you, it works! Flowers are beautiful and can make you feel happy every time you look at them. Spend the money you would spend on a valentine on a beautiful arrangement for yourself.

5. Go to the bookstore. Yes, the bookstore is the new singles bar. With all that great literature, you have endless subject for conversation. Or, hit the magazine section if that's more your style.

6. Get fluent in body language. Learning how to use your eyes, body and posture helps you with that all-important nonverbal communication with lovelies who catch your eye. Be a master at flirting without saying a word.

7. Babysit a friend's kids. It's good karma to allow two others a shot at Valentine's Day bliss. Plus, a night with the kids just might restore a sense of appreciation for the single life!

8. Make a cake from scratch — frosting and all. It's fun to create something from start to finish and then you get to eat it. If you choose chocolate, you just may feel the same endorphins that those in love do.

9. Broaden your sense of love. From your family to your friends to your lovers of times past, focus on how lucky you are for all of the love in your life.

10. And if all else fails, go out! Brave the couples walking arm-in-arm down the street and the guys peddling roses. Tomorrow will be just another day in that couple's relationship and the roses will be half-off. Find a bar or restaurant to enjoy yourself at with the girls, or just by yourself. You never know who might have the same idea up his sleeve.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love Ourselves, and the Rest Will Follow

How do you feel about self love?  More importantly, how well do you love yourself?  For most of us, loving ourselves is something we may know is important (yet at the same time think is arrogant or narcissistic), but often have difficulty actually feeling, expressing, and embodying. As we lead up to Valentine’s Day this weekend and think about the important people in our lives whom we love (or the fact that we wish we had more love in our lives, especially right now), much of our focus tends to be outward and not inward. The ultimate goal of being ourselves in an authentic way is actually about loving ourselves in a generous way. If we truly love ourselves, most of what we worry about and even much of what we strive for in life (and even in our relationships) becomes meaningless. We may still have some worries, and we’ll definitely continue to have dreams and desires. However, from a place of true self love, the fear behind our worries and the motivation for our desires dramatically changes from something we have to avoid or produce in order to be accepted and valued, to something we we’re genuinely concerned about or really want to experience. On the flip side, if we don’t love ourselves, nothing much really matters. No matter what we create or experience we’re never able to appreciate it, ourselves, or to be fulfilled in the process, because we’re constantly striving to be validated in an insatiable way. Self love is what we’re all searching for.  Sadly, we spend most of our lives thinking that someone or something else can give us what only we can give ourselves. To be truly fulfilled in life and relationships, we have to find the love within us and give it to ourselves. No other person, material possession, or accomplishment can do it. It’s up to us. Especially when it comes to relationships, self love is essential.  One of the best gifts we can give to the people around us is to love ourselves in a genuine way.  As my mom used to say to me when I was young, “You can’t love anyone else, until you love yourself.” Read the rest of Mike Robbins article. For this week’s audio message, click here.