DBT 11: Opposite to Emotion Action

Opposite to Emotion Action is another technique for changing negative emotions. The idea behind this technique is that it can help to deal with distressing emotions by setting into motion an action that is helpful, not harmful. Doing this counteracts the suffering you might otherwise feel because of the distressing emotion.  

For example, if we are angry, there are many actions that we might take to express our angry feelings. But if the action that we take is one that is opposite to the emotion we feel, like walking away from a situation when we are angry, or distracting ourselves with something nice, then we have put our energy into something that is eventually going to make us feel better. In this way, we not only reversed our action (walked away instead of yelling at someone), but we also began to make a change in our angry feelings. We didn't escalate or heighten our feelings, but did something that made the feelings decrease, by putting something positive in their place.

It's important to know that this skill is not about trying to suppress our emotions. We are using that angry feeling to take a different action. The result of this will be a gradual change in our emotions. It can be appropriate to use this technique when emotion mind is winning. Your emotions may be out of proportion, or escalating, or be emotions that we want to challenge or change. 

For example, if we are feeling very depressed and low and like no one wants us around and we might as well just stay in bed, a way to act opposite to the emotions is to get ourselves up and do something (go for a walk, go to the grocery store, visit a friend, etc.). We are not denying our emotion, but we are challenging it by acting opposite to it. Instead of staying at home in bed, we are getting up and going out. We may not see big changes, but little by little we will notice changes in the way we feel.

Examples:

FEAR 

·         Do what you are afraid of doing....OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 

·         Approach events, places, tasks, activities, people you are afraid of

·         Do things to give yourself a sense of CONTROL and MASTERY

·         When overwhelmed, make a list of small steps or tasks you can do

·         DO the first thing on the list

GUILT OR SHAME 

·         When guilt or shame is JUSTIFIED (emotion FITS your wise mind values) 

·         Repair the transgression

·         Apologize 

·         Make things better, do something nice for person you offended (or someone else if that is not possible)

·         Commit to avoiding that mistake in the future

·         Accept the consciences gracefully, then let it go

SADNESS OR DEPRESSION 

Get active, approach, don't avoid

Do things that make you feel competent and self-confident

ANGER 

Gently avoid the person you are angry with rather than attacking them (Avoid thinking about him or her rather than ruminating)

Do something nice rather than mean or attacking

Imagine sympathy and empathy for other person rather than blame